OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
