He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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