You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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