She announced her abortion via fbk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
