his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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