Just fell off a train. Bad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
