Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
