i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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