tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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