I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
