Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
