This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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