these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
