I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
