The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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