btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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