I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
