so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
