First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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