You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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