$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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