my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
