I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
