I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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