Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
