The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
