At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
