4 words: hood of his car
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
