dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
