i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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