I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
