is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
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