don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
