sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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