he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
