my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
