Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
