I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
