I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
