She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
