why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
