I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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