There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
