We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
