i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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