Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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