Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
