Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
