david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
