I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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