I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
