My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
pray to the hookup gods
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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