Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
