i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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