What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
