Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
