I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
