I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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