Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
