Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
