We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
