apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
