just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize