I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
