Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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