I must be too annoying 4 u.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Bring me that man meat
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
