I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
