I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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