i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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